If I Sing
by kaimelar117
Summary: Bella Cullen has been waiting over a century to find the happiness and love that her family shares. When the blood of a dying boy sings to her, can she find the strength to turn him without draining him dry?
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

BPOV

In the century that I had been a vampire, I never lost my enjoyment of walking. Walking, not running, at a simple, relaxing, human pace. Not that running didn't have its perks. On the contrary, it was perhaps one of the most exhilarating things about being a vampire. However, walking had always been able to clear my mind.

So when Alice and Rosalie had convinced Carlisle to take a trip to Seattle, I was glad for the chance to walk around. Esme and my sisters had immediately jumped on all the opportunities to shop, and Emmett and Jasper had been forced to tag along as designated bag carriers. Not that they didn't get anything out of the arrangement. I knew full well that Rosalie and Alice were planning a trip to the priciest lingerie store, where the boys could approve of all their potential purchases, leaving Carlisle and I to walk around the town.

It was nice, really, spending some time alone with Carlisle. Over the years as our family grew, it had become harder and harder to spend one-on-one time with anyone. And Carlisle and I were close. He had turned me, I was his first 'child,' and we had spent several years together before Esme joined us. Even then, we were still all very close, and I missed the personal relationship that I had formed with my 'parents' at that time.

"What are you thinking about, Bella?" Carlisle asked, noticing my quiet mood as we walked down the darkening city street.

"Just that I miss this," I replied. Seeing his confused expression, I clarified, "spending time alone with you. Or anyone, really. It's… nice."

Carlisle smiled at me, a warm, fatherly expression. "I agree, Bella."

We walked in silence for another hour or so, before something caught our attention.

"Do you hear that?" I asked.

Carlisle nodded, pointing toward an alley several hundred feet down the road.

Someone was yelling, others were laughing, and there was a sickening crunching noise that sounded too familiarly like bones being crushed. Within seconds, Carlisle and I were down the alley, taking in the scene before us.

Several young men, who smelled quite strongly of alcohol, were circling another figure, kicking and throwing bottles at him and laughing all the while.

Anger rose up in me. I never understood how people could underestimate the worth of life, any life, and I hated seeing it destroyed.

In the moment it had taken me to get angry, Carlisle had knocked the hooligans back, who immediately scampered off at his growl and unearthly strength. I knew they were too drunk to remember anything in the morning and I was sure Carlisle felt the same.

"Don't worry, son, I'm a doctor," Carlisle explained, crouching over the crumpled form on the ground. "We'll have you right as rain in no time."

I took a few steps forward, carefully approaching the scene as Carlisle checked the boy's pulse. Even after a century, I'm not nearly as comfortable around blood as Carlisle. Though I've never had much of a draw to it, more of a repulsion, really. A gift from my human life, Carlisle said.

"Please," came a raspy voice, and my head turned immediately to the sound. "Don't let me die."

"No one said anything about dying," Carlisle replied, smiling at him, though when his eyes flicked up to me, I could tell the boy was barely hanging on to life.

"I can see it in your eyes," the broken boy replied, and I swore I felt a stab of pain where my heart should be. "Please, I don't want to die…."

There was a visible conflict in Carlisle's stance. I could tell he was debating on whether to turn this boy. We had just moved to Forks (or moved back, depending on how you looked at it), and a newborn would not be very conducive to our remaining inconspicuous. Newborns needed our undivided attention to keep them from killing any humans within range. I stepped forward, despite my dislike of the blood, ready to help Carlisle, whatever he decided.

A tiny gust of wind blew down the alley, and my every muscle froze. Something smelled incredible. Absolutely and positively divine. My throat burned with a familiar thirst, and my mind was hazy. I sniffed a few more times, hardly noticing Carlisle as he asked me something or another--I was too focused on the smell. What was it? Where was it coming from?

I stepped closer to Carlisle, and immediately I knew. The smell, this completely orgasmic smell, was the boy before us. Or rather, his blood, that called to me, sungto me even.

Wait a minute….

It _sung_ to me?

Holding my breath, I tried desperately to make my feet turn the other way, but they keep moving forward.

"Carlisle," I whispered, so quietly that the human wouldn't hear me. "His blood…. It's singing to me. He smells _incredible_!"

Immediately, Carlisle's eyes met mine, wide with surprise.

"Bella," he said quietly, seriously. "You're sure? Il Tuo Cantante?"

I nodded jerkily. Somehow, I had managed to stop my feet from moving forward, but I wanted to taste his blood like nothing I have ever wanted before. It filled me, consumed me, this desire to taste him, but some part of me wanted to save him, keep him with me forever and never get rid of his delicious scent. Sandalwood, and something spicier. Musky. Perfect.

"Bella, I cannot turn him," Carlisle said, and I starred at him in disbelief. I had been looking for my singer for a century while watching my family find theirs, and now Carlisle would deny me?

Apparently my eyes held enough question, because he continued.

"Bella, we cannot have a newborn in our home right now," he said, speaking both at a speed and frequency only audible to vampires. "There is no way to keep ourselves concealed. If you want him turned, you will have to do it."

I swallowed a copious amount of venom that had pooled in my mouth.

"I can't," I whispered, watching in agony as the boy continued to whimper and beg for life. "Carlisle, I'll drain him…. I can't do it."

Immediately, Carlisle was standing before me, holding my shoulders tightly. "Bella, if you want to keep this man, to turn him…. If he really sings to you, you will find the strength. It has to be you."

"Why? Why not you?"

Carlisle sighed, another one of his habits in an attempt to be more human. "Bella, you know how your venom affected Emmett. The newborn bloodlust was nearly nonexistent. We cannot take on a regular newborn right now. You _know _this."

I nodded. I did know. That didn't comfort me any, nor did it make this impossible task any less daunting.

Carlisle held my shoulders as he walked me toward him, and I held my breath. Kneeling before him, I placed my cold, hard hand gently on his forehead. My throat burned as if someone had lit it on fire, perhaps even more so than when I was first turned. Is this what my family felt when around any humans?

The boy had such green, beautiful eyes that immediately captivated me, making the bloodlust a bit easier to handle.

"Please," he whispered, and I wiped his brow.

"I can help you," I replied quietly. "But I need to know your name."

"Edward," he rasped out. The name flickered something in me, and for the tiniest second, I thought I might be able to do this without killing him.

"Edward…." I breathed out, bracing myself for the frenzy I knew would take hold. Tilting his head gently to the side, I pulled back my lips, sinking my teeth into the sweetest skin that ever existed....


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

BPOV

Sweet, hot, sticky, tangy. The thick liquid glided over my tongue like silk. My head was maelstrom of swirling emotions and colors and feelings and _life_. Animal blood had been off-putting at best--I needed it for strength, but I still never thoroughly enjoyed it. Nor had I ever had an attraction to the blood of a human. But this human, this man, whose blood rang like the sweetest tune, consumed my entire being, until nothing else mattered but indulging in more of the precious liquid.

I continued sucking, drawing in the blood as if it were the sole purpose for my being. Venom filled any excess space in my mouth, forcing its way into his veins.

"-lla…. Bella, you have to stop now."

Vaguely, I registered the voice as Carlisle's, but I ignored him. Stop?! Why would I stop? I never wanted this moment to end!

Sweet, hot, sticky, tangy, _heaven_.

"Bella, you're killing him," Carlisle continued, his voice beginning to aggravate me. "Listen to his heart, Bella! He's dying. Can you bear to lose your singer?"

Sure enough, I could hear the steady beating of his heart, each one a little weaker and slower than the last. But I couldn't bear to tear myself away from his neck, where his smell, his taste, his very being overwhelmed me.

"You have the power, Bella! I know it."

But I didn't. As much as I couldn't bear to lose this sweet, sweet human, I couldn't bring myself to stop. He tasted too good; my mind was too frenzied. I was going to kill him, and I knew it.

His heart gave a loud thump and I jumped off of him as if I'd been shocked.

I stared at the twitching boy with unfocused eyes, his movements simply the reaction of venom coursing his veins rather than conscious movement.

My hand immediately flew to my mouth as my body trembled, begging for more of his blood while simultaneously repulsed by the idea that I nearly took his life. I backed as far away as I could stand to be, watching as Carlisle checked that the boy was still alive.

His blood was still strong on my lips, and I licked them, my body stilling completely as his head rolled to the side. Bright green eyes locked onto mine and I couldn't look away. I was drowning in the pain of those gorgeous eyes, and I was powerless to stop it. I heard a familiar screech, watching as both Esme's and Alice's cars skidded down the alley.

That's when the screaming started.

The sound was that of a soul in despair, the kind of scream where the pain is beyond physical and mental endurance. The kind of scream where you're screaming because it's the only thing you can do.

My body choked out a tearless sob at the sound, and if I had a beating heart, I'm sure it would have torn in half. I didn't even know the boy, this… Edward, but I felt to my very core that I needed to do everything in my power to protect him. He was my singer, Il Tuo Cantante. It wasn't love, but I knew it had the power to be. The fact that I didn't kill him while sucking his blood proved as much. Not every singer meant love for a vampire--too many humans were killed as soon as a singer was discovered. And many vampires fell in love with someone other than their singer. Alice and Jasper, for example. They had both been vampires when they met, there was no blood to sing between them.

Though I knew they never acknowledged as much, I was pretty sure Esme had been Carlisle's singer. After having heard how he had treated her medically ten years before turning her, and the sparkle in his eye whenever she was mentioned, I was sure of it.

I didn't love this boy as I rushed forward to try and comfort him, but a part of me wanted to. Besides his blood, my body and mind wanted more of him. I wanted to know him, to care about him, and to have him care back.

I hadn't taken more than two steps when rock solid arms locked around my waist.

"I'm so sorry, Bella!" Alice cried, holding me tight. "I'm sorry I couldn't see anything! It's always so hard with your shield, I hardly even bother trying anymore. I'm sorry!"

"Please let me go, Alice," I whispered, watching as Carlisle held Edward's mouth to muffle his screams as he and Esme moved him into the back of the car. "I need to see him."

Alice didn't let go, but looked at me as if I had gone mad. She probably thought I wanted to finish him off. I still hadn't ruled it out as a possibility, or at least, the vampire in me hadn't. I, Bella Cullen, wanted to comfort him and do whatever I could to make the searing pain that was sizzling his nerve endings a little more bearable.

"Please, Alice," I whispered, beginning to struggle again.

"Bella, what- ?"

"She'll be fine, Alice," Carlisle said, closing the door of the car. "He's her singer."

Alice froze with her arms around me. All of my present family did. Rosalie and Emmett must have been keeping Jasper calm in the car, because I could hear a cease their rustling as they watched our exchange. Esme turned to stare at me with wide eyes, an expression so soft I'm sure she would be crying if it were possible.

"Bella!" Alice exclaimed, now hugging me tightly. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Don't be," I said flatly, moving toward the car as she finally let me go. "I nearly killed him."

Esme put a hand on my shoulder as I neared. "But you didn't kill him, Bella."

I simply nodded, what else could I say? It was true, I hadn't killed him, but that didn't make me feel any better about the fact that I nearly had.

I opened the car door, my knees almost buckling as I watched him twitch and tremble, his face grimaced in pain.

"Bella," Carlisle said gently, placing a hand on my shoulder. "I think you should ride with Alice."

What? No, I needed to ride with Edward! I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off.

"Just until we get home," Carlisle said, trying to assuage me. "You know the first hour is the worst. Do not torture yourself this way, Bella. Ride with Alice."

On reflection, I think I growled at Carlisle. How dare he suggest that I ride with someone other than my Edward? He hardly even flinched however, just looked at me with those golden eyes that were full of understanding and comfort. Slowly, the discontent began to recede and I smiled apologetically at Carlisle.

"Sorry," I muttered. "I'll ride with Alice. But I don't like it."

Carlisle gently patted my head. "I know, Bella. I know."

Alice was at my side again, this time taking me by the shoulders and leading me toward her car. Rosalie and Emmett passed us as I stared longingly at Esme's SUV. I stepped into the backseat, only to find Jasper staring at me apologetically, guilt permeating the vehicle like an oppressive cloud.

"Jasper, what…?" I asked, placing a hand on his arm.

His voice was strained. "I wanted to kill him, Bella. He's your singer, and I wanted to drain him dry."

I let out a harsh laugh. I knew Jasper still struggled with our lifestyle, but the irony in him apologizing to me was too much. I starred out the window at the passing scenery.

"It's okay, Jasper," I promised him, my voice low. "I wanted to kill him, too."


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Author's Note:

*knock knock* "Hellllooo? Anybody in there?"

"Huh? Are you talking to me?"

"…Yes, kaimelar, this is your brain…."

"Oh… Yeah… So, did you need something, then?"

"I've been sitting unconscious in the back of a van for three months. WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!"

*gulp* "Uh… well, you see… There was this whole thing with the computer crashing, and then taking 23 credits in one semester, and then the problems with the internet…"

"I don't care. If I don't get to some serious vampire-changing agony really soon, I'm leaving."

"You can't just leave. You're in my head. Who do you think you are?!"

"I am Edward fucking Cullen. Who the hell are you?"

"…"

"Exactly."

"…I'll go be a good author and put some words on the page now…"

"I thought so."

Well, now that you're all privy to the internal conflict between our favorite soon-to-be vampire and myself, I should tell you that, despite all the troubles getting off the ground, this story is now written in full, and simply needs to be typed up. I figure that's better news than ranting on how crappy RL has been lately. :]

Also, there was some debate on the use of Il Tuo Cantante versus La Tua. In canon, Bella is female, therefore she would be La Tua Cantante. Your female singer. Here, as Edward is male, it would have to be Il Tuo Cantante, your male singer. Hope that clears that up.

Enjoy.

BPOV

"Bring him into the guest room," Carlisle said as Emmett carefully lifted an unconscious Edward into his arms. I quickly followed them up the stairs and into the spare 'bedroom.' Emmett set Edward on the daybed, being mindful of his still-human limbs. Hurrying in, I stood at the edge of the bed, watching in silence.

Carlisle rushed into the room with his black medical bag, pulling out vials and checking the labels at inhuman speeds.

"What are you doing?" I asked, stepping closer as Carlisle filled a large syringe out of a tiny glass bottle.

"Relax, Bella," he replied, pulling the boy's arm forward, tapping the skin with his finger before injecting the liquid into the crook of his arm. "It's morphine. It'll help with the pain."

I hummed a noncommittal response, pacing slightly at the end of the bed before making my way over to the couch, pulling my knees to my chest. My body settled into a complete still, the slight rise and fall of my unnecessary breath almost nonexistent.

Carlisle continued to check a few of the boy's injuries and I could hear Alice helping Jasper out of the house. I knew he was fighting his own guilt over wanting to kill the human. Compounded with my own crushing emotions, the worry of my family, and the boy's pain, Jasper had to be near his breaking point. I didn't blame him for leaving in the least.

After carefully straightening a few of the boy's limbs, Carlisle stood, sighing as he began to repack his supplies. His jaw was tight with worry, but he still smiled reassuringly as I turned my eyes to his.

"He will be fine, Bella," he said, stepping forward and resting his hand on the side of my face. "You did well."

I managed a sort of sideways nod, turning my gaze back to the injured boy as Carlisle stepped out of the room, leaving us alone. Carlisle trusted me with him, even when my every action had said he shouldn't.

I no longer felt any desire to kill the boy, however. His blood was becoming sharper in scent from my venom, and even if it wasn't I wouldn't have been able to bring myself to cause him any more pain.

Edward.

Beautiful, unfortunate, broken Edward.

My Edward.

I knew that in truth, he wasn't mine, but that didn't stop me from feeling it. Sure, he was mine in the sense I bit him, that he was my singer, but that was it. He wasn't my friend, my family, and most certainly not my lover. And if I had a choice, I wasn't sure what I wanted him to be. Simply mine. Important in my life. The kind of confidant and companion that one could only find once in a lifetime. Or an existence, in my case.

Our cases, now.

Despite the lack of information on the subject, over the past few years I had learned as much about singers as possible. Singers were technically nothing more than a human who smelled particularly appealing to a specific vampire. They evoked a primal instinct in the vampire to feed and kill. Nothing more. For decades, I'd never given singers a second thought.

It was the recent human research that made singers so interesting, really.

The amount of research done by humans on scent and it's role in attraction over the last decade was astounding. Scent could be a powerful attractant in two people who otherwise knew nothing about the other.

Like singers.

Where that attraction often meant death for the human, sometimes a vampire was able to restrain. And when they did, that human was always important to the vampire. The bond was interesting. In the handful of document cases over the centuries (as most vampires didn't bother to try and resist the call of human blood, most certainly not such delectable blood), some were friends, some mates, and some were simply obsessively in need of each other, whether they wanted to be or not. But the universal truth was that these humans and vampires could not escape each other. Edward would be with me for the rest of our existence. I could only hope that he wouldn't resent me for the duration.

The front door slammed and I was broken from my thoughts.

"Carlisle, Alice said you needed me," Jasper said, his voice easily carrying through the house to my sensitive ears. I wasn't sure how long I had been lost in my own head, but Jasper seemed at ease again, and I figured a good chunk of time had passed.

"Yes," my 'father' replied. "I know it's hard for you to be in the house at this moment, so I'll make it brief. I need you to get in contact with Mr. Jenks. Find out as much information as you can about Edward A. Masen, that's the name on his University of Washington I.D. card."

"University?" Emmett's voice interrupted. "The boy doesn't even look old enough to be eighteen."

"Yes, well, hopefully that's one of the things we can ascertain," Carlisle said. "I also need you to secure new documentation for him, Jasper, both with today's date and a year from now. We'll have to see how Bella's venom affects him before we can consider when to introduce him as part of our family, if he chooses to stay."

I felt as if my stomach had been hollowed out and emptied. Not for a moment had I considered that Edward wouldn't want to make the sacrifices to accept our lifestyles. And I certainly didn't think he wouldn't want to stay.

I shook my head, pulling up my shield to help protect myself from those thoughts as Carlisle finished speaking with Jasper. He and Alice would stay the next few nights in Seattle, both to give Mr. Jenks the time needed to acquire proper documentation and to spare Jasper the agony of the emotions barreling through the house. Rosalie and Emmett would almost certainly be out hunting to ensure they were at maximum strength when Edward woke up, leaving Carlisle, Esme and I to witness the pain of Edward's transformation.

On the way back from Seattle, Alice had rerouted the car as soon as Edward started screaming to spare Jasper and I the agony. I didn't know how long he'd been unconscious, but I knew it couldn't be much longer before he woke up.

And despite our hopes, we really didn't have any idea how his transformation would turn out.

A knock sounded on the door, making me turn my head instinctively. I knew it was Carlisle even though I hadn't heard him approach.

"Come in," I replied quietly, thought I was sure why he felt the need to ask permission. This wasn't my room.

"Alice said he should wake up soon," Carlisle said, taking a seat next to me. "She and Jasper just left."

I nodded, focusing my eyes on Edward's calm face.

"I thought maybe you might like some company," he continued.

I turned to look at him before leaning to the side, resting my head on his shoulder. Carlisle immediately pulled me into his arms, shifting so I lay on the couch with my head tucked into his side.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before Edward started moving. His head rolled slowly in my direction and his brows furrowed, the pain evident in his features. The guilt was all-encompassing, cloaking me like a restrictive coil, knowing that I was responsible for his pain. How could I have been so guilty as to not let this poor boy die as fate would have taken him?

A loud cry broke from Edward's throat and my hands curled into tight fists. His muscles twitched and flexed, unable to remain still with the venom changing and rearranging his every atom. Removing myself from Carlisle's hold, I crouched forward, moving slowly until I was kneeling at Edward's side.

"I-It- _burns_!" he managed to gasp out, and I carefully placed my palm on his cheek, desperate to offer him comfort. He immediately leaned into my touch, trembling under my hand as he whimpered and moaned.

"Shh, it'll be over soon," I soothed, using my free hand to move the hair out of his eyes. I vaguely wondered if my cold hands were offering a slight reprieve from the way he moved toward them, but I knew better. "You're safe. I promise, you're going to be okay."

I knew my words were falling on deaf ears. My own change had been such all-consuming pain that I hadn't registered anything except total, mind-numbing fire. Although the morphine kept him unconscious for some time, I doubted anything could help Edward's pain now.

My body fell still once again, now crouching next to Edward. My fingers ran gently through his hair, picking up the bronze undertones with my beyond-perfect eyesight. I wondered what his hair would look like when the change was complete. Even now it was shiner and more metallic than he appeared in the alley. Yet he still looked so fragile.

His head lolled back and forth as he whimpered, his large, earth-green eyes finally flickering open. I could have sworn he was looking into my soul.

"Edward?" I whispered, wondering for a second if he was truly seeing me. His eyes continued to bore into my own, his groans giving way to cries of torture, but he made no indication that he was aware of me at all.

I let my hands drop, pulling them back toward my own body before standing, moving back to the couch and curling up as tight as I possibly could. My skin crawled and I brushed my hands over my arms, trying to make the unfamiliar tingling sensation disappear. Edward's eyes wouldn't leave my own and I pulled myself tighter as he cried out, feeling as if I was holding the both of us from falling to pieces.

The door opened and Emmett entered the room, stepping over to place his large hands on my shoulders.

"Come on, Bella," he said, pulling me up to stand. "Let's go."

"No," I said immediately. "I'm not leaving him."

"Yes, you are, Bella," he insisted. "Sitting around here isn't going to help him, and you need to hunt. Carlisle can take care of him."

"I can't leave him, Emmett," I whispered, my voice barely more than a flicker of wind. He tried to lead me toward the door, but I held my ground.

"Bella," Carlisle said. "Go with Emmett."

My eyes turned to Carlisle, burning as if they could actually shed tears. How could they expect me to leave? How could Carlisle, of all people, not understand what it meant when I said I had to be here?

"You haven't fed in weeks, Bella," Carlisle said, stepping toward me to pull him into his arms. "You'll need your strength in the days to come. I'll call Alice and make sure you're here when he wakes up."

Never had I felt so utterly helpless. Despite my super-human strength and speed, I still couldn't escape my basic needs. I wasn't stupid, I knew I needed to hunt. The blood I'd taken from Edward had only seemed to fuel the burn in my throat. If I wanted to stay with Edward when he woke up, I would have to feed. But that didn't make me feel any better about leaving him now.

I crouched down again, running my thumb over Edward's strong jawbone up to his ear.

"I'll be back," I whispered to him. "You won't wake up alone. I promise you."

Reluctantly I stood, letting Emmett lead me from the room. And as Rose met us at the bottom of the stairs, reaching casually to lace her fingers with Emmett's, I couldn't help but feeling like I'd left a part of myself with Edward, to suffer alone from a pain he never deserved.


End file.
